An Intrinsic Exquisite

how does one

change?

is personal change purposeful?

or is there a gradual ebbing away and flowing towards?

number two I think, she thought, but still and all a decision is required to love

but she had no idea what force, what energy, what inspiration would allow her to call
she waited for a word from him knowing it would never come

what was missing in her had something to do with courage
but also with habit
she was anchored to a particular set of expectations regarding what men were supposed to be like
and though she was becoming quite comfortable with breaking all the rules that applied to her
she was much slower breaking the pressure she put on men to keep to the rules

childhood had been grim in the extreme
causing her to invent all sorts of possibilities for herself
she was often jealous of those whose growing up years had been placid enough to allow them to find satisfaction strictly in the here and now

a cowardly or courageous decision is required
the cowardly decision is to hold onto righteousness
the brave decision is to trust that the life within, as it contacts the life without, will generate the new forms necessary

the answer?
to live
to engage
to embrace
to experience
to brave the unexpected
to start each day as if it were the opening of the grandest opera and she, the chief protagonist
as if it were a dream of exotic miracles
as if it were the result of all our previous hopes and dreams and the progenitor of all our future days