An Intrinsic Exquisite

"Got someone

waiting, love and so do you, call me tonight if you can," he said amiably

if I could have had a brother, Gina thought, that is exactly what he would be like

I used to think I wanted a macho older brother through whom I could and would meet lots of glorious testosterone rich maleobilia

but now I would wish for just this: acceptance and an oasis from the bash and pull of maleophilia



"My feelings are swampy. I live in a swamp of feelings," Gina said to Samuel one day as he was cutting her hair

"Don't cut too much."

"I never do."

"You always do."

"You are a swamp. And so?"

"So I can't be like other people."

"What other people? Me?"

"You're not other people."

"Oh. Thanks. What am I? Chopped liver?"

Gina laughed.

"Do not laugh when I'm cutting your hair."

"Then do not be funny when you are cutting my hair."

"You don't believe I'm Jewish?"



Gina didn't know whether or not to believe that Samuel was Jewish. If he was then he'd have three strikes against him come the next right wing military take over. God, she thought, there must be tons of militarists who are gay, the question is do they know it and are homophobic to distract other people from the realization or do they not know it and their homophobia is the punishment they perpetrate first and most profoundly upon themselves?

"Why is it," said Gina, "that I never can tell whether people are telling the truth or not?"

"Because it doesn't matter."

"Samuel, how can you say that?"

"Here, take a look," Samuel said as he handed Gina a mirror so she could see how she looked from the back

"It's great, thank you.."

"Is this mirror from him?"

"Sort of."


"Why do you hate him?"

"I don't hate him, darling, I hate that he is so clearly compelled to shag you through hell and back. He might be a perfectly less repellent man from another point of view. But from the point of view of your best friend, he ab-so-lutely sucks." And Samuel gave Gina a huge, loud, lip smacking kiss on the cheek, tousled her newly cut hair, spun her chair around and pushed her gently forward, out of the seat