An Intrinsic Exquisite

the built in

capabilities are enormous and the lives are so small

the whole of life like women's shoes, painful, tight, get fucked...

or slippers -

nothing sane and sexy anywhere, just a barren universe filled with eunuchs their overstuffed balls filled with gunpowder

where do venomous creatures come from?

where does the world get off becoming mingy when it really could be cool?

and, when it starts to feel really, really good - smooth and effervescent - and the men retreat to pain, what is with that?



if it was merely a case of indifference, maybe she could drink it light
but she didn't believe that she was indifferent any more than she believed that he was indifferent

it was not a question of neutrality

this was a case of incompatible goals and values

she did not wish to participate in anyone's self-aggrandizement, hers or anyone else's
it seemed to always come down to a question of power

but not, as the self help books so self righteously proclaimed, an issue of his versus her power - rather it was an issue of raw power

that is, what is power? actually, really

was it power as comparative mechanisms for social status as in more money, more control, more lovers, more devotees, fancier titles?
or was it power as honor, self-response-ability, seed-like cooperative existence, freedom of movement, relief from anxiety and despair?

she always rooted for number two and he was for number one.

and, as she became more and more adept at #2
the stakes got higher and higher
because #1-power-focused males could tell more and more that she had something
so they wanted to wrest it from her
or convince her to use it for their purposes

she was looking for a man who could admire the technique, someone with whom she could stand, side by Sondheimian side, to view the world as parallel processors

to share
not to merge
but to give
and receive
at more subtle levels
til the sexual high permeated the core of every cell in every moment

this was the ecstasy she was seeking
she had cyclical hopes and despairs of ever finding it

do you think she was asking too much?