oh my god, i thought i loved you
i did love you, what am i thinking? of course i loved you
and you loved me
that was the trouble - love
if we hadn't loved each other then it wouldn't have mattered that we couldn't
get along
it wouldn't have mattered that we had different religions, mine of the self
denigrating kind
yours of the self aggrandizing
and we just could not agree who was going to determine what and when and how
but how we loved
oh my god, how we loved and loved and loved and wished and hoped
there is nothing sure about love is there? just the willingness to have your
heart break
ache for the wholeness that eludes and escapes and never realizes itself because
people
don't know how to change the past, their habits of being, of thought, of rage,
and of course
there's always the social reality of getting along and making money
but we loved each other and we tried to make it work
in our ways, different but real and even loyal to a fault
but strategy is part of it isn't it? strategy is part of survival and love has
to fit in with kill
or be killed and when we started killing each other we knew it was hopeless,
the love
we lost our faith in ourselves as much as in each other
two assassins saw in each other the reality that neither would ever, ever give
up
and so we both, being gentle, left the field
but oh my god how we loved