An Intrinsic Exquisite


my heart

wants to be with your heart inside some agreement to love








"I absolutely know that he took advantage of you."

"I absolutely cannot believe that."

"He treated you like shit."

"But he said that he treated everyone else much worse, and he was trying."

"A leopard can't change his spots."

"But then it can't be considered his fault. He loved me as much as he was able."

"And you would go back?"

"It is still the most love I've ever had."

"The most love or the most sex?"

"For him they were synonymous and this I adored about him and this I will be grateful for - forever."


"You know. You saw. The sex was the love but the life, the living, the conversations were empty except when it was in bed, about to be in bed. We could not take our love outside without it distorting horribly and us turning all awful with each other. Inside under certain circumstances, we were perfect. The outside world intervened and we crashed, totally, fucking, completely crashed to the ground."

"That's sad."

"I can't seem to get over it."

"Maybe you two can change - your lives may come together."

"But those leopardian spots - everyone who knows us thinks it's hopeless. And our friends don't like us together. And we care for our friends."

"Can't fuck friends, can you? Or can you?"

"I don't know. I just don't know. I miss him. He doesn't miss me."

"How do you know?"

"He told me. A couple of times. I'm too much pressure. The other day at work someone characterized me, my way of expressing myself, as a barrage. That's how he felt too. Overwhelmed. I used to argue that he liked that in bed. But if you have to argue someone into loving you, it isn't likely going to lead anywhere you're likely to be wanting to go. Our time together was an extravagance of sensation."