An Intrinsic Exquisite

secret, silent

self

as she walked down the street with her new haircut perched perkily she thought about Simon

almost as if on cue it began to rain, a thunderous ugly storm came out of nowhere and descended on her like the wolf on Little Red Riding Hood

she might have run, she did consider it, but there was nowhere she could reach before getting drenched

so she walked, her hair smashed, dripping into her face

my hair is crying, she thought. my hair is out of control

years ago, Percy had said to her, "We are each other's Nemesis."

she had to ask him what it meant
which was excruciating because it dragged the insult out for age

Percy had slowly, in his favorite patronizing tone, explained to her that one's Nemesis was responsible for one's downfall

she did not then
or now
believe that Percy had enough personal power to cause her downfall
to fall down slippery slopes, yes, yes indeed
he had certainly pushed her down but downfall? no, that was Simon, Simon was her downfall

oh, why, why, why do I even think about those two?
I am trying to cope with Alistair now
why bring up dead issues? she asked her secret, silent self

Gina believed that she carried around within her a secret, silent self of enormous knowledge, more like wisdom

the secret, silent self could not act directly on the worl
it needed Gina to believe

sometimes Gina felt at one with her secret, silent self, sometimes madly, insanely, grateful for that secret, silent self and other times she felt abandoned by it, cut off or even betrayed by it

right now she felt that her secret, silent self was criticizing her choice of men

well, she responded huffily to herself, as if you weren't the one pushing me
you ADORED Percy and were completely taken in by Simon
don't you try to tell me that these were purely sexual fiascoes
no, siree, no ma'am, they were as much your decisions as mine

Gina could feel her pants' legs sucking onto her skin
it didn't feel good
h er jacket was mildly waterproof
but it was drenched through
any rain it was managing to repel was sliding down her pants, cascading into her shoes