An Intrinsic Exquisite

I am always

alone no one reveres me

those were the sorts of thoughts Gina had when she let herself contemplate her paper doll cut out friendship with Alice



Alice had long ago explained the gory details of her constant abuse by her mother as a child, over coffee in an odd smelly cafe, smelling of old grease, surrounded by people even older than the smell of grease.eEverything oddly not like Alice

Alice told Gina the whole thing
and never mentioned any of it ever again

at first the confession had seemed to Gina the beginning of a friendship
how lucky to be chosen to be the special friend of this extraordinary beauty
Gina basked
but Alice did not have friends
she had her mother and her sister.
and remained dedicated to enduring the guilt and remnants of abuse, dragging those relationships
extending them further than the love in them could grow, everything taut, tense protruding and inevitable

there was no room for friends in that triangle

and yet Gina found it fascinating that all three women were constantly surrounded by amiable companions
none of them ever seemed to be alone, not for the merest instant, not for the shortest second were they ever without the lovely distractions of their many (male and female) admirers

Gina was jealous, vastly, deeply jealous
even though she knew that Alice had a pain inside her that was eating her alive, knew this from observation as well as from Alice's confessions, Gina still could not resist the longing to be part of this too too pretty picture of physical beauty and reverent companionship