I am always
alone no one reveres me
those were the sorts of thoughts Gina had when she let
herself contemplate her paper doll cut out friendship with Alice
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Alice had long ago explained the gory details of her constant abuse by
her mother as a child, over coffee in an odd smelly cafe, smelling of
old grease, surrounded by people even older than the smell of grease.eEverything
oddly not like Alice
Alice told Gina the whole thing
once
and never mentioned any of it ever again
at first the confession had seemed to Gina the beginning of a friendship
how lucky to be chosen to be the special friend of this extraordinary
beauty
Gina basked
but Alice did not have friends
she had her mother and her sister.
and remained dedicated to enduring the guilt and remnants of abuse, dragging
those relationships
extending them further than the love in them could grow, everything taut,
tense protruding and inevitable
there was no room for friends in that triangle
and yet Gina found it fascinating that all three women were constantly
surrounded by amiable companions
none of them ever seemed to be alone, not for the merest instant, not
for the shortest second were they ever without the lovely distractions
of their many (male and female) admirers
Gina was jealous, vastly, deeply jealous
even though she knew that Alice had a pain inside her that was eating
her alive, knew this from observation as well as from Alice's confessions,
Gina still could not resist the longing to be part of this too too pretty
picture of physical beauty and reverent companionship
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